We've been using Wikipedia's definition of the word "polyamory":

"Polyamory is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved"

We chose this definition because it had been discussed by many interested people, and we felt we had no chance of coming up with a more legitimate definition in the time available to us. However, there are some problems.

The second biggest problem is that the Wikipedia definition makes it hard for us to talk about the community we represent. It appears to include any patriarchal polygyny that has valid consent. However, the people who identify with the word "polyamory", tend to have a value system vastly different from those who practice patriarchal polygyny.

The biggest problem is that we're not sure that the Wikipedia definition is really what our constituents mean when they talk about polyamory. When asked, polyamorous people tend to talk about value systems and social structures… and those aren't part of the Wikipedia definition. We seem to hear a lot about "freedom", "equality", and "choice" from polyamorists.

It's also true that the technical definition of "polygamy" includes many polyamorous relationships… yet the people who identify with the word "polygamy" tend to strongly reject the values of those who identify with the word "polyamory". They seem to see us as too willing to discard tradition, too unwilling to play prescribed social roles, too open to uncommitted relationships, and too sexually permissive.

Neither group really wants to be associated with the other, yet the words available to us, at least under the definitions we've been using, tend to blur the distinctions.

We've considered several possiblities:

1. We could qualify the words. We already say "patriarchal polygyny". We could also say "egalitarian polyamory". But that would make our text even wordier and more confusing.

2. We could make a distinction between "polyamorists" (those who identify with a value system and a social structure) and "polyamory" (a practice). But that's a very subtle distinction to ask readers to make.

3. We could try to use a definition of "polyamory" closer to what polyamorists seem to use. That would probably mean defining it more in terms of social structure and mores, and less in terms of the simple practice of multiple relationships.

So, what do you think? What does "polyamory" mean to you?